Inspired by this great post 100 Best First Lines from Novels I decided to come up with my own list of the the ten worst first lines from novels. Here they are:
1) No, he never does manage to win her over but let me tell you how he didn't. - A Thing That Happened One Time, by Pomple Withers
2) GRARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! - Lament of the Woodsmen, by Jake Larue
3) A common belief about tax law fiction is that it's boring and that is very true however here is some tax law fiction. - The Tax Law Seduction, by Bette Marklesworthy
4) Boy, that sure is a lot of giraffes, I see one giraffe, two giraffes, there's three, and four giraffes. - Many Giraffes, by Linden Carl
5) A hat can say a lot about a man and here is what it said about Gary, the party promoter. - The Gary I Knew, by Harold Plemp
6) It was a blustery fall day when Optimus Prime returned home early to find his wife boning Dracula. - Transformer vs Vampire vs Karate Guy, by Pete "Karate Guy" Daniels
7) Not sure what my bunkmate Hemingway's been scribbling about over there but here's what I've been up to. - Another Look At War, by Timple Jons
8) Women and children first has always been more of a guideline rather than a hard rule and I think history will prove me right on that. - Absolutely, It Was Bad, I Concede That, by Captain Jerry Fontaine
9) Bullets rained down on us like-- nope, that's actually just rain. - Steve Just Hangs Out by Steve Eckhardt
10) I'm a dumb shithead and even though this isn't really the first line no one will care because I, Donald Trump, am pure garbage - The Art of the Deal, by Donald Trump
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