I'd recently decided to take some time away from civilization to truly test myself. I traveled to a remote desert location and then stabbed myself in the leg, to see what, if any, effect it would have on my body. Surprisingly, it had ZERO EFFECT ON ME. Like, absolutely none.
In fact, upon impact my body absorbed the metal from the blade of the knife and distributed it among my organs and limbs where it was needed. I now literally have an iron jaw and nerves of steel. Well... one nerve of steel, it was a small knife. But, I'm getting ahead of myself...
The journey began the other night with me lying in bed after a hard day of contemplating fight scenarios. That's when I decided to leave. But, and this is where it gets weird, I don't even remember making the decision to journey to the desert. I was somehow suddenly just... there. (Must remind myself to research teleportation and other forms of reality phasing. Perhaps it was the handiwork of some playful adversary of mine?)
Suddenly, I was in the desert and found myself fighting off creatures that defied description. And then one creature who specifically looked like a turtle with a hat and a gun. (I feel like maybe the other creatures knew they'd be impossible to describe and were already resenting the turtle, knowing they'd get short shrift in this story.)
After I beat them down - using the upside down turtle like a skateboard, zooming around on it while punching them - I was suddenly, inexplicably, back in my high school gymnasium... but like it wasn't my gymnasium, if you know what I mean. Then my dad showed up and I was late for a meeting or something? But not really? You probably have no idea what's happening here and neither did I. That's when I used the knife and, again, let me stress, it felt like a tickle to me...
Then my teeth fell out and soon after that I tried to fly. It worked! But apparently I blacked out and flew the rest of the way back home on pure instinct, because I have no memory of returning, opening my front door, using the retinal scanner to deactivate my alarms and then getting back into bed. Randomly, that's where I found myself once my memory returned... Insane, right?
What I learned from all this was; it's good to test yourself now and then, and it's even better when you ace that test and the teacher asks you to stay after class and then sits cross-legged on the front of their desk across from you, just smiling at you with love and pride and the knowledge that your existence justifies their entire career choice. Since I was the teacher, I just did all that in front of a mirror. I won't lie, it was a nice moment.
Anyway, that's where I've been.
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