A sock full of nickels is invaluable in a brawl. It's compact, easy-to-wield and handy when heading to a fight on the opposite side of a tollbooth. Consider it your new best friend... Sorry, Derek.* (Immediately tell Derek your friendship is over.)
Grip the sock close to the the nickel-end. Don't allow too much slack as that can cause the weapon to get out of control. Target the back of the head and, if facing your adversary, the point of the chin. Swing away!
If you feel the fight slipping away from you, slice a small hole in the sock and dash it against the ground, sending nickels flying everywhere. Immediately, a flock of hobos will descend on the nickels, obscuring everything in a grubby cloud of motion, allowing you to safely make your escape.
*Even though sock-filled-with-nickels is your new best friend, resist the urge to draw eyes and a smiley mouth on it with a magic marker. It's just gonna creep everyone out. And don't talk to it, either.
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