How To Beat Up Anything

Nothing on this Earth gives me greater pleasure than laying out the blueprint for how to beat up some person, place, or thing, and then posting it for all to see. However, if I am to ever to complete a full list of everything that is, and how to beat them up - thus restoring the planet to a state of balance, with every thing wielding the tools to destroy every other thing - I'm going to need your help in mapping out thrashings...

Now, while I will not tolerate suggestions from others in any capacity whatsoever, in the real world (Oh, so being a doctor means you automatically know how alcohol and Percocet and steering a boat is going to AFFECT MY BODY? YOU DON'T KNOW ME.) I wholeheartedly welcome them in this virtual one.

I gotta be honest, I know of no one special way to beat up someone from Delaware. From what I understand people from Delware have no shared unifying characteristics.  They walk and talk and breathe and have dreams just like any other group of people. (Well, maybe not dreams. They are in Delaware, after all.   Only nightmares for them... nightmares that come true every time they open their eyes)  Anyone can choose to move to Delaware, when beaten down enough by life, as a signal to the world that they've given up. There's nothing about someone from Delaware specifically that lends itself to any one maneuver.

That being said, this seems like a good time to mention an incredible tactic that works on many people I've encountered, including those from Delaware. It's called "the dick punch."

The dick punch is an incredibly devastating maneuver that, mysteriously, only works on roughly half the population. It's uncanny, how it seems to play out that way.