Great Tiger is a contender in the boxing association showcased in the video game "Mike Tyson’s Punch Out." As you can see from the photo he's in an awful hurry to cement the "tiger" part of his name in your mind, as he's got a tiger head and skin in his corner. The "great" part, however, is still a bit of a tenuous connection. Adequate Tiger would've been more appropriate.
On a more serious note, I'd like to point out that the sanctioning body's continued blatant disregard for the rule book in regards to Great Tiger is disgraceful. That they allow him to compete in a professional prize fight while wearing a full turban is quite troubling. All manner of foreign object or weapon could be contained within to say nothing about the turban possibly blinding Tiger himself if it came loose and covered his eyes.
The second egregious oversight by the commision concerns the bizarrely overgrown Clarke Gable/villain mustache currently on the Tiger's upper lip. For the commission to allow Tiger to go out there and fight with this 'stache night after night when they know damn well that current fashion finds that style COMPLETELY out of vogue is just negligent. An act that could prove damaging to not only Tiger's ego but his entire sense of indiviudal creative freedom.
That's a look far better suited for the business of tying women to train tracks than the prize ring, and they know it. He needs to hear it from someone in a position of authority before some mean-spirited kid shouts it to him on the way to the ring. I would hate for that turban to come in handy afterall... as a bandage for a broken heart.
In boxing, traditionally, one does their best to avoid telegraphing their punches. Any sign or "tell" that would indicate their next maneuver, should be avoided at all costs. An example of this would be: dipping your shoulder slightly before a hook, dropping your right hand before jabbing, or WEARING A SHIMMERING JEWEL ON YOUR HEAD THAT GLIMMERS before you throw a punch.
With 5 or so losses on his record, all of them no doubt the result of getting KO'd after his beacon-like emerald signaled his opponent, the back row, Guam and the alien inhabitants of Orion's Belt that he was about to punch something. Somehow, no one in his corner has yet had the heart to pull him aside and say "Maybe we try one sans the turban? Or, at the very least, we dab some vaseline on it to dull the shine? No? Really? Okay, go get 'em, champ."
Tiger differs from his fellow pugilists in that in addition to the more common weapons utilized between the ropes, Tiger reveals midway through round one that he's somehow in possession of MAGICAL FUCKING POWERS. He can move at super human speeds, fly around the ring and even vanish into thin air. The fact that he's got such a wondrous gift and chose to do nothing more ambitious with it than take up professional boxing... and then turned out to be, uh, not so good at it, is kind of heartbreaking. It's too sad to really even think about. After all, Soda Popinkski (the former Vodka Drunkenski) sports a record similar to Tiger's and has managed to do it without the benefit of being able to teleport himself and with the added hurdle of being a lousy stinking drunk.
Here's the scouting report on Great Tiger. Many see the flash and slick razzle-dazzle M.O. of Tiger and get intimidated. Don’t. He's staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. The reality is he’s past his prime, with the clock quickly running out and numerous kids to support. Take a closer look at Tiger, he could easily be on the wrong side of fifty. (Wrong side of fifty for a boxing career, not wrong side of fifty to start booking gigs playing Father Time at the local mall during the holidays) He needs to start putting together some consistent performances, but at this point that seems unlikely. If it was gonna happen for him it would have happened by now. He's a guy who got very far on natural talent and speed, two gifts he longer possesses. He relied on them at the expense of ever picking up sound boxing fundamentals. His jab has no snap and his body is often wide open for counters.
Jab him when his jewel lights up to stun him, win a "star," then hit him with the uppercut. When he ducks go to that body. When he gets all magic-y you time him with a double hand block, then drop him when he's dizzy. Or, if it's easier, A button, B button. A, A, A, crouch, Left, Left, A, A, A, then B.
Recent Comments